may 1991 - born female
january 2009 - began taking testosterone
december 2009 - double mastectomy
december 2011 - complete hysterectomy
november 2013 - began working out more consistently
today - i am okay with all of this.
That’s incredible. At first I thought these were just nice photos of a hot guy, never something to complain about. Then I read the description. So that hot guy was at one time in his a life a lady. This is why sexual labels do not work. Am I a lesbian because I am attraction to someone who was biologically female? I don’t think technically that’s true since I’m not attracted to people who still look female. Of course, I don’t know a thing about his personality or his voice and those are important parts of being attracted to someone (for me).
Gender line blurring is really cool and interesting and I love it but when you start labeling it it gets too confusing and picky. I refuse to submit myself to that. I’ll id as 100% female gender-wise, but my sexuality is a LOT more fluid/complex than that (when it even exists). So no, I am not telling you my sexuality because it really is a case-by-case basis and it’s really not important. I love a lot of people and it’s rare that I’m romantically attracted to someone (rarely still that I’m sexually attracted to them) and that’s OKAY.
(Yeah you have better things to do with your time than read this and I understand. It’s not written for you, it was written for me.)
First, squid ward. Teehee.
Second, you tell em. I know you wrote that for you, but I think it’s beauty and wanted to share it!
I feel the same - “So no, I am not telling you my sexuality because it really is a case-by-case basis and it’s really not important. I love a lot of people and it’s rare that I’m romantically attracted to someone (rarely still that I’m sexually attracted to them) and that’s OKAY.”
In case you wonder what I look like for work.
I can almost blend in!
Some Q’s recently asked of me, and some A’s recently given.
Q.What are some pieces of advice that you have to offer those who are transitioning, and those who aren’t, but may have someone in their life who is?
A.For those who are transitioning, or questioning their gender – know that life will always present complex thoughts and theories and opinions, some your own, some external, about gender, transitioning, society, culture, your body, everything. Do your best to know your inherent being, and you will never go wrong. Of course, that is easy to say – it can take years, a lifetime, to discover ourselves as we are constantly changing. But heading towards that will never lead you astray. For those who have someone in their life who is – ask them what you can do to be supportive, and let them know you are always there for them.
Q. What is your goal in speaking publically about your transition?
A. In the end, I suppose my goal is to share my story and make an attempt at raising awareness and education about trans* folks. For a long time, “transgender” has been taboo, or been seen in a certain negative light. While we are all different, every trans* person having their own story and experiences, I hope that by sharing mine I can make room for more of those stories and bring it back to the basics – we all, trans* or not, are simply trying to find ourselves and love this life we have.
Q. How do you feel about being able to pass along your experiences to others?
A. I feel pretty good about it! I realize that the majority of my experiences are positive – even the ones that weren’t so or aren’t so positive, I still explain from my perspective which is generally optimistic. I think that my positivity can show that happiness is achievable, regardless of what it takes or how long it takes to get there. As for the negative experiences – I think they’re worth sharing to show how far some in my life have come, or how far I have.
Q. How do you feel personally post transition?
A. Truthfully, I don’t think I will ever be ‘post’ transition. I feel I am constantly evolving, growing, becoming who I am. I’m still learning what it means to be a man. In any case, it all feels great.
From earlier this fall, butterflies in the driveway.
Finished recording my album. You’ve got 17 hours to be a part of my first album, if you fancy! Kickstarter here
Now off to master these babies, design some artwork, and send lots of love out to the world because the amount of generosity I saw when people were donating towards this inspired me so much to give all my free money to others and their dreams or projects.
And, it feels so good. This is the best thing that has come from my hours and hours I’ve put into this project. Upon it’s completion, I’ve realized in an entirely new way how incredible others’ love and support is.
So even if you haven’t backed me on this, I highly recommend if you have any extra extra money, give it to that musician on the street. Give it to a friend who is trying to save for something. Give it to a someone who will appreciate it more than you will.
$1 means hardly anything to me when it sits in my wallet. But the $1 I gave to the stranger singing in a back alley way the other night means so much to me now, because it was going to him, wherever that may be. Brilliant, and beautiful.
So know, my friends, that all my excess will go to good things. I work at a bank - I touch thousands of dollars a day and none of it means anything to me anymore. What means the most is that others are willing to give something considered valuable and worth a certain value towards my dreams. I’m going to continue to pay it forward to others dreams, because that’s what feels good.
This is beauty. And thank you for showing me that you care to make my dreams come true. I hope to do the same in my life - and you already have. :)
Good morning world!
Currently mixing songs for my album, today’s the last day to request a CD or shirt (before the quantity becomes limited!) http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1771154297/thank-you-album
And now, to go to the gym, then record two more songs, then do a little dance, and go back to sleep for an 11 hour work day tomorrow ;]
I’m feeling fluffy.
Got this awesome jacket for my best friend for his birthday.
(secretly I want to keep it, so I had to take a serious photo shoot with it of course!)
So excited that I’m heading back to my old college tonight for his party. It’s going to be weird but wonderful, my first time back since graduating!
today, we were all dressed as M&Ms at work for the kids who come trick or treating.
it was pretty great! in that sort of weird i-work-at-a-bank-and-we’re-all-m&ms kind of way.. ;]
Skylar Kergil/Skylarkeleven/Lentils & Dirt is recording an album of songs and pressing it to CD for the first time!
4 days left on my album on Kickstarter! 96 backers - can I make it to 100, my friends? :)
While I am a straight, married woman, I am a strong supporter of bi/gay/trans! My sister showed me a video on YouTube called ’ Two Years On Testosterone’. At first I had no idea what was going on because my sister wouldn’t tell me! Then after the first 30 seconds, I fell head over heels for this guy! He was sweet and so gorgeous! Then my sister finally told me ‘he’ was a she turning into a ‘he’. So does that make me bi? I don’t have a thing for any other girls, yet I’m drooling over this one! In my defense, I thought she was a guy! But even after I found out he was a girl, I still thought he was damn sexy and if I was single would want to bang him! Regardless I am happy for him and wish him the very best with his transition!
I’m really flattered that you find me physically beautiful my friend! Just to clarify with you though - it doesn’t make you bisexual to be attracted to me. My partner, for example, has only ever been attracted to/into guys, but still loves me (and is more open minded now in fact!) The simple rule is this: if I identify as a guy + you see me as how I identify, meaning as a guy (male pronouns please) = You see me as a guy.
Even if you didn’t visually see me as a guy, I’m still a guy regardless of my background/past. I know, it can all be pretty confusing! Thank you for getting the pronouns right at the end, and don’t worry about having an identity crisis - you like who you like when you like them - and that is what matters!
Skylar Kergil/Skylarkeleven/Lentils & Dirt is recording an album of songs and pressing it to CD for the first time!
7 days remaining, I can’t think you all enough for helping me reach my goal! While extra CDs will be offered as a pay-what-you-can deal, with a suggested donation between $5-$10, everything is limited edition, especially the shirts :) Please pledge if you’re interested in any of the perks, so I’ll know what to plan to press and create!
In other news, 7 songs done and feeling amazing about the sound ;]
This is where you will find me
- on the second hand of your worn watch that can be heard loudly in a quiet place
- in between the creases of your mattress pad
- in the wrinkles those sheets leave on your face when you’ve just woken up
- in the laughter of a little yellow hooded girl racing from umbrella tree to tree
- in the space between the star and the moon it is always following
- under the helmets of those shitty sweaty smoking construction workers
- on the third floor, second book case on the left
- between the infinite questions and the useless answers
- on the front page of the new york times, second row, fifth line
- in the smell of your favorite, old, dirty, holy plaid shirt
- following the footsteps of the exhausted bus driver
- on the underbelly of every fighting fish trapped in a glass
- within the flies trajectory
- among the steam peeling off the surface of your mug
- on the fine tip of a black pen
- in the canned vegetable aisle
- repeating the E chord
- during the long silent walks, soul rests
- in the exhale of an unfiltered cigarette
- in the moments of utter bliss when you do something you didn’t think you could
- among the holes in the bottom of your shoes
- slightly outside of your comfort zone
- holding the light
I slept for 12 hours. No biggie. Time to enjoy the last little bit of Sunday!
(No regrets ;])
Chatham University - Pittsburgh, PA
October 18, 2013
Yesterday, I awoke at 2 in the morning, packed up my backpack and guitar, and drove through the rain to Burlington International Airport. Sleepy and sitting next to a nice stranger, I embarked on a five hour multi-flight journey to Pittsburgh.
A friend I met this summer at the Philly Trans Health Conference, Caiden, had invited me down along with his school’s pride club to be their LGBTQIAA speaker. He picked me up around noon, showed me the campus, and took me to see the beautiful spots of this city. Saw the band the Heathers randomly (since they were performing on Saturday) and got to play some guitar in the sunshine.
Nervous as heck, I practiced a little bit, made a goofy powerpoint, and had notecards that I didn’t use hah. At 8pm, I got to talk a bit about gender, about my story as a transmasculine person, share some poems, show my re-humanizing project and senior thesis project, and play some of my songs. The audience was incredible, maybe about 50 folks there (pretty great for a Friday night in college, I’d say!), and afterward, I got many hugs and pictures from beautiful beings.
Their Dean of Students, who had helped get me to come down as well, encouraged me to check out other colleges/opportunities to continue speaking. I was told that I was one of their favorite speakers yet, and that my message is something they want everyone to see. It was such a great push - because this is something I love to do and something I want to do - to really get myself out there. Get a van, go on tour. I learned of some great resources, and truly felt like I’d really done something.
It was beautiful, and I am so honored to have had this opportunity. I can’t wait to make it back down there and see those folks again, but I’m also looking forward to the countless other paths and opportunities that lay in front of me.
I’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep in the past two nights, but I laughed and made friends with a bunch more strangers on my flights home. I’m so happy, and I feel like this is so right.
Thank you all my friends, all those who have supported me, and all those who let me know that what I’m doing really has made a difference. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. <3