self portrait and poem 4/15/14 at 8:04AM
a rainy morning accuracy
i’d give anything to see you
sleep evade, i wither each day.
it feels more like shedding skin,
to say i’m on the road to hitting bottom
to scratch that surface,
i wake up with scratches
half dreams of letting what’s within
you out of me.
posts tagged "human"
self portrait and poem 4/15/14 at 8:04AM
Relapse/Flux - a spoken word poem about a brother, addiction, and recovery.
TW: violence, drugs, alcohol, word usage.
Happy Siblings Day, big brother. We were cute when we were younger.. maybe we will be again when we are older? ;)
two self portraits that are exactly the same - except i microwaved the second one.
just cos. feeling sideways, in a good way.
every now and again, i try to take some serious self portraits.
(i don’t really know why, since i never look this serious, so really, this isn’t even me…)
Showin up to the club like ‘waddup i got a big cat.’
(tiger and i felt fierce today)
Two Texts from My Dad.
At first, in my transition, my dad wasn’t the most supportive. I mean, he loved me, but he just didn’t really understand. It took him longer with my name and pronouns, since my parents were divorced and I only saw him every few months, but now he is one of my biggest supporters.
We’ve gone from pre my physical transition in 2008 - where I would sit in a diner with my dad, and the waitress would say ‘how can i help you gentlemen?’ and my dad cringing awkwardly - to now, where he complains that I don’t mention him enough in my YouTube videos. Here’s to you dad, because I love you incredibly, and you have changed my world for the better.
My dad is new at texting, so he doesn’t do it very much but when he does, it usually is something really important. Never just a ‘hey whats up’ - nope, he goes deep. So recently, he has been catching up on my youtube videos. I got these about two days apart, and they made me melt.
Two texts from the best dad ever:
#1 was after he watched my ‘Boring Life Update’ video: "Hey Goomba, love you. Caught your last few videos, really liked. But, do me a favor, don’t ever title "boring life" update. If anything, and maybe you don’t know it, you haven’t had a boring life. Luvya."
#2 was after he watched my 'How I Chose My Name' video: "Saw your most recent vid on uTube. Preston Tucker created a car in 1948 that was revolutionary. This was the year before I was even born. I absolutely loved that car. I mentioned it numerous times when you and JT were young. In fact, we all watched the movie “Tucker” together in our home in Brewster New York. Still have it on disc. I’m sure, whether you know it or not, that had something to do with it. We are all a compendium of everything we have seen, heard, or learned… In that order. You were young. There will be things that I know that you don’t. But it’s all good! Luvya Goomba!”
I can’t decide if I like white or black more for my new shirts… ah!
Well hey, if you’d like one, head on over here to investigate!
And if you do not see your size available (I can do youth sizes, as well as 2X and 3X) shoot me an email to email@example.com before March 20th and I will order it for you to have it by mid-April. Win-win!!!
Didn’t lose, Definitely won :)
1. Last night, I played in a singer-songwriter competition in my town, it was small enough that I could see my two close friends didn’t show up.
2. I didn’t place in the top three.
3. I shook and trembled while playing my newest song.
4. I lost an hour of sleep last night.
1. Last night, my mom drove all the way from Maine to come see me play, and not only that, but I finally met Dave, an ally to the trans community who has been helping trans people (flying them to Philly for a conference, housing them here, etc) and his overwhelming desire to help the world just completely moved me. He was one of the first people to ever comment on my videos and be a supportive older “parent” in a way. He drove all the way from NH to see me perform, it was such a surprise and so absolutely meaningful.
2. I was tied for third place, so I’ve been told ;) I had so many people come up to me after to let me know I did amazing, opened their worlds, and that they can’t wait to see me again (and some very much disagreed with the judges!)
3. I’ll be playing/releasing that song that inspired that soon!
4. It is sunny at 5:18 and I am heading outside!
Had a wonderful day at work because we were allowed to wear purple ;)
Left: Late December 2013
Middle: January 11, 2014
Right: February 15, 2014
In less than three months, I have made leaps toward feeling strong, lean, and good in my skin.
I’ve been eating well, and doing push/pull/leg circuits at the gym. I have been pushing myself harder than I ever did in college, and at 22 am trying to finally get the body I’ve dreamt of. I’ve spent too long saying “Oh, I’ll get there..” The only thing I haven’t liked about my body since having top surgery 4 years ago is my lack of muscle and lack of muscle definition.
So I decided to make it a focus this year, to start exercising more deliberately, to read novels while doing cardio, to join a gym (hey, turns out paying for it makes me want to go more than when it was free ;) and to not care what the bigger, stronger, cismale guys in the free weight room think!
Photos on the left (sweatpants): January 11, 2014
Photos on the right (tan pants): February 15, 2014
I’ve been working out more actively since November, but these are my post-holiday-weight-gain-and-laziness progress photos. I’m super proud of how far I’ve come :D
they all come
pointing, pulling, pricking
i left behind, i was a
when i said goodbye.
Have you ever wondered about my sexual orientation? Well.. so have I!
FAQ#2: Me trying to figure it alllll out ;)